It is common for individuals to fall into the trap of complaining and playing the victim. Whether it’s about your child not getting a fair chance in a baseball game or feeling overlooked for a raise or promotion at work, we all experience such emotions.
When faced with these feelings, the most typical response is to vent to someone who will reinforce our perspective. While this may temporarily boost our ego, it ultimately pushes us further into the victim mentality, hindering our ability to objectively assess the situation.
Allow me to share a personal experience that helped me to partially break free from this cycle. After a year in my role at a reputable FAANG company, a few of my colleagues received promotions while I did not. Seeking guidance on how to grow, I approached my manager, but the answers I received were generic and unhelpful. This triggered a negative spiral in my mind. However, around the same time, I was fortunate to connect with a mentor. During our first meeting, when I discussed my concerns about promotion, he offered an enlightening perspective—he suggested I build a case by documenting my achievements, behaviors (with specific examples), their impact, and how they align with the expectations of the next level. This valuable lesson has stuck with me, and I continue to utilize this mental framework to focus on what I can control.
So, what are the options for handling such emotions? One option is to do nothing, simply accepting that karma and dharma will eventually balance things out in the long run. This approach may work for individuals who can maintain their mental and physical well-being while doing so. For most of us, the better option is to address the situation objectively, using our rational minds. Here are a few steps you can take:
1️⃣ Define the desired outcome you want to achieve—write it down.
2️⃣ List the questions that will provide clarity on the actions needed to reach your desired outcome.
3️⃣ Identify someone from your inner circle who can provide feedback on your writing and questions.
4️⃣ Initiate a conversation with the person whose decisions are impacting you. You might discover that the decisions had nothing to do with you.
5️⃣ If helpful, leverage the support of your inner circle to provide feedback when you find yourself caught in the negative loop of emotions.
Remember, these steps are not necessarily sequential, and you may not need to follow all of them every time. They serve as a toolkit to help you think through the details. Give it a try and see how it works for you, or feel free to develop your own approach.
Break free from the victim mindset, take charge of your own growth, and strive for the outcomes you deserve! 🌟”