Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you easily dispense thoughtful advice to others, only to struggle when it comes to implementing that same advice in your own life? If no, you are either a Unicorn or simply lying. This common phenomenon, known as the paradox of advice, highlights the challenge of following our own counsel. Why is this phenomenon so common? The bottom line is that it is driven by your own insecurities and inability to deal with uncertainty. This can be awesome because you can come up with mechanisms to identify those triggers and mitigate them. Some details below
- Objectivity versus Subjectivity:
One of the primary reasons it is easier to give advice than to follow it ourselves lies in the inherent difference between being an observer and a participant. When we give advice, we have the luxury of objectivity. We are able to evaluate a situation from an outsider’s perspective, without being clouded by personal emotions or biases. This objectivity enables us to analyze the problem more rationally and offer what seems like the best course of action. However, when we are faced with applying the same advice to our own lives, subjectivity takes over. Emotions, personal attachments, and biases come into play, making it harder to see things clearly and act accordingly. - The Illusion of Control:
Another reason why it’s easier to give advice is the illusion of control. When advising others, we feel empowered, as though we have the ability to guide them toward a positive outcome. However, when it comes to our own lives, we often grapple with uncertainty and doubt. We may fear making the wrong decisions or be hesitant to step out of our comfort zones. This illusion of control can lead to a lack of confidence in following our own advice, undermining our ability to take action. - Emotional Investment:
When we offer advice, we typically do so without the burden of emotional attachment. We can think logically and impartially, focusing on the facts and the best possible solution. However, when it’s our own lives at stake, emotions come into play. We may be too close to the situation to detach ourselves emotionally, making it difficult to make objective decisions. Our emotional investment can cloud our judgment and prevent us from following the advice we would readily offer to others. - Accountability and Fear of Failure:
When advising someone else, we are not personally responsible for the outcome. If things go wrong, it doesn’t reflect directly on us. However, when we follow our own advice, we become accountable for the results. This added pressure can lead to fear of failure and self-doubt. We may worry about the consequences of our decisions and whether we are capable of achieving the desired outcome. This fear of failure can paralyze us, making it harder to take action on the very advice we would advocate for others. - Lack of Perspective:
While we may possess a wealth of knowledge and wisdom, we are often blind to our own biases and blind spots. It’s easier to identify patterns and potential pitfalls in other people’s situations because we are not personally invested. However, when it comes to our own lives, we may struggle to see the bigger picture. Our subjective viewpoint limits our ability to fully comprehend the complexities of our own circumstances, making it harder to apply the advice we would readily give to others.
The paradox of advice presents a fascinating insight into the human psyche. While it may be easier to offer guidance and counsel to others, it’s often a more challenging task to follow that same advice in our own lives. By recognizing the influence of subjectivity, the illusion of control, emotional investment, accountability, and the importance of gaining perspective, we can strive for greater alignment between the advice we give and the actions we take in our own lives. Ultimately, this awareness can lead to personal growth, better decision-making, and a more authentic and fulfilling existence.